So as it turns out, I have not written that post I promised in my last update. This presents a pretty strong argument that I am, in fact, a liar. But in my heart of hearts, it’s not so much that I lied. . . it’s more like I had an idea that I would write the post, and then just ran out of juice.
Why did I run out of juice, you didn’t ask? Oh, I don’t know for sure. I just did. It seems that my tank runneth on empty, spiritually speaking.
It could be because of these three things.
Part of it is that I have an internship with my church starting next fall, and so far I have no idea what I’ll actually do for the church as a result of said internship. I’ve been trying to figure this out for weeks. It’s not that I don’t think I have a skill set that could be used for the church’s benefit – it’s just that my skill set happens to be “writing” and “public speaking”, and wouldn’t you know it, but we already have someone at church who has the exact same skill set. We call him the “pastor”. In fact, we have two. So the supply/demand situation for “what I do” is not in a great spot right now.
(I also do accents and impressions, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to use that to the benefit of Jesus. Except perhaps to say, “Let us say the Lord’s Prayer, but I will do so as if I were Sean Connery.”)
So unless one of you readers can give me ideas about how I can use my snark for the Spirit, this conflict will continue to remain unresolved for the time being.
Another source of my generally “bleh” spiritual situation right now is the exhaustion that seems to have followed my frequent anger at stuff I don’t like. The Christian community in general seems to have adopted some theology that I don’t agree with – stuff that runs contrary to the ideas recently put forward by N.T. Wright, Greg Boyd, and other heroes of mine. Then I get on kicks where, for reasons I cannot comprehend, I decide to correct people all the time. And it’s exhausting! I only have a few “fire starter” topics (like the absence of warfare worldview in classical theology, or homosexuality in the church, or cultural warfare) and believe me, it only takes a few to completely wring me dry.
Perhaps the last source of my spiritual exhaustion is my struggle with food addiction. When I first attacked my unhealthy eating habits (by fasting for a day, praying, and asking for support from friends, family, and blog readers) I had a really good week of just kicking ass. For instance, on the Saturday that Brandi and I went to help my pastor, Ryan, clean up his yard after the big flood, I forgot to eat lunch. Forgot. To eat lunch. I’ve never done that in my life – generally, even if I’m not hungry, I’m counting the minutes until my next meal. And it wasn’t hard work. It was as if I’d always had a voice in my head, and that voice had finally been miraculously silenced. Of course, stuff like this requires constant vigilance, and prayer. And I just didn’t keep up on that stuff. I’d try to make an excuse, but how predictable is that? Vigilance takes energy, and I’m pooped. That’s all there is to it.
Here are some awesome things in my life right now!
1) Last weekend, Brandi and I drove to “the cities” to visit friends and celebrate a belated 30th birthday for the wife. We had good food, great beer, and awesome conversation with people who made us feel welcomed and special. It was just what the doctored ordered, and you guys (you know who you are) rock the block.
2) After months of near-constant cajoling, my children finally convinced me to hook up the Xbox 360 that has been packed away for the last six months. I blew the dust off of my copy of Batman: ArkhamCity, and I let myself be the Caped Crusader for a few hours. And there is something that is just blissfully uncomplicated about pretending to be Batman. The ethics of being Batman are relatively simple. There are bad guys. Batman beats them up. Once defeated, bad guys are tied up or unconscious. Nobody gets killed. Riddles are solved, pellet bombs are thrown, batarangs are batarang’d, and I don’t have to think long, deep thoughts about anything.
3) Laughter helps recharge the batteries, and I’ve recently discovered the genius that is John Mulaney. If you have a minute, YouTube “John Mulaney New In Town” and watch any video that comes up. This guy is the real deal.
So, in conclusion, while this blog post was supposed to be a big, meaningful post linking the work I did cleaning up Ryan’s yard to the broader idea of this world being beautiful yet broken, I have, instead, written about nothing in particular and included a picture of Batman. I’m sure I’ll be back writing about faithy-type-things very soon. Until then, remember the wise words written in Ecclesiastes 3:1, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
And right now, it’s Batman season.